An Everyday Peacemaker Story by Matt Willingham 

Peacemaking isn’t a flip we switch; it’s a set of muscles we exercise.

This may seem obvious to many of us, but dominant culture seems to see things like empathy, understanding, and even love as static, unmoving things when in fact, these are muscles we either work out or risk them atrophying.

So the all-important question for each Everyday Peacemaker: What’s your workout plan?

Our featured peacemaker this month spent decades honing and studying peacemaking “workouts” and even wrote a book about it! Julie Ethan, author of How Can Half the Country Be So Stupid?, found her peacemaking practice began like many—with an uncommon friendship.

“My husband and I befriended this couple,” Julie recalls. “They were on the other end of the political spectrum from us, yet these major differences didn’t get in the way of the friendship; they actually helped us grow closer as we welcomed one another and were willing to share perspectives in a loving way.”

Years passed, and this friendship grew as the two couples found common ground. “We were learning to understand the other and what it took to communicate through our differences. That learning was so precious, and at 45 years old, I went back to school and got a degree so I could keep growing my understanding of other perspectives.” Or another way to put it: Julie’s peacemaking “exercises” got more and more robust over the years!

“For me, political division has a lot to do with how our brains have been wired. Any time I’m frustrated with someone’s views, I try to step back and remember people are formed by their culture and context. People aren’t simply ‘stupid.’ If I get upset, I may miss a chance to get curious and ask questions that lead to understanding.”

In her studies, Julie learned practical exercises to reorient our brains toward counter-intuitive responses. She said, “Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. encouraged special training for his community to help them learn to respond differently when being hit in the face, shouted at, or abused, and it worked! If we’re willing to train our brains, we can move away from these compulsive urges to villainize or frame things in the good vs. evil paradigm that’s almost always too simplistic.”

This Everyday Peacemaking community is diverse, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all “workout” for people. Your training will probably look different from a civil rights activist in the 60s or even from many of your neighbors, but growth will require training. It’s for us to decide which steps to take as we commit to our good growth and the world’s Shalom, but a common theme for all of us is the importance of noticing and sharing our own perspectives, or as Julie puts it: “We have to relentlessly consider framing. At every point, every conversation, pay close attention to how the world around us is being storied. You may be surprised how often people are trying to make us see other people as villains; it’s often so subtle!”

So back to the all-important question: What’s your workout plan? Julie wrote a whole book about her peacemaking exercises through the years, but what about the rest of us? Which peacemaking muscles are you working on right now, and what tips do you have for the community as we help one another grow?

Alone, growth might be possible, but alongside folks like our peacemaking coaches and the rest of the Everyday Peacemaking community, we can live into and embody the peace our communities desperately need and our hearts long for.